Yep, you read that right. I know, it surprised me too. It's pretty miraculous considering the circumstances. I am pregnant with a ministry. The idea has been growing in me since I was 19. I believe that it is from the Lord and He has given it to me to steward for some reason. One of my amazing mentors has been describing my passion for this ministry to me this way. I joked that it might be the only time I am pregnant with something. Don't groan here friends and think I am being self-deprecating...it's true, and I might be ok with that. I am excited at the idea of experiencing pregnancy at all. It's giving birth that is the thing that always terrified me.
I was challenged to think about how I would nourish and care for this idea I am pregnant with. That's a hard one. I mean what do dreams and passions live on? Hope comes to mind, and faith. How will I continue to hope and have faith that this ministry will come to pass? It's quite difficult at times for it not to be just a pipe dream. It's one of my greatest fears that I will only ever be just talk about this. But when you are pregnant, that baby is coming no matter what. So I think the idea is to prepare as best you can.
Right now my heart just wants so badly to "nest". I want to create the home for this ministry to happen in. It seems such an insurmountable task. I mean I need land, buildings and funding. I do things up in quality fashion also as you know too, so it will take serious funding. I suppose like all moms I just want the best for my baby. But what if we end up homeless and on WIC? That was not what I had in mind. Today we discussed some property that is for sale for a great deal, but where will we find a million or so to buy it with?
I just have a lot of questions and concerns right now. There isn't any What to Expect When You Are Expecting books that I know of for this. Not that that would help, because it just ended up making most of my friends who read it paranoid and neurotic. I really want a Father for this baby. I don't want to be a single parent. That is so much to o alone! I need a partner. This is where it gets trippy for me, if it wasn't before. I suppose the way this works is that the one who impregnated me with this idea in the first place is responsible for this idea. So my God who loves people so much and wants me to express this love to them is in this with me. He has the resources of all of heaven and earth and beyond and his disposal. I suppose I should trust that He is the one who is going to provide for me and my baby.
I am still scared of the birthing process and pains though...and I don't even want to begin think about the translation of stretch marks to this idea!
I was challenged to think about how I would nourish and care for this idea I am pregnant with. That's a hard one. I mean what do dreams and passions live on? Hope comes to mind, and faith. How will I continue to hope and have faith that this ministry will come to pass? It's quite difficult at times for it not to be just a pipe dream. It's one of my greatest fears that I will only ever be just talk about this. But when you are pregnant, that baby is coming no matter what. So I think the idea is to prepare as best you can.
Right now my heart just wants so badly to "nest". I want to create the home for this ministry to happen in. It seems such an insurmountable task. I mean I need land, buildings and funding. I do things up in quality fashion also as you know too, so it will take serious funding. I suppose like all moms I just want the best for my baby. But what if we end up homeless and on WIC? That was not what I had in mind. Today we discussed some property that is for sale for a great deal, but where will we find a million or so to buy it with?
I just have a lot of questions and concerns right now. There isn't any What to Expect When You Are Expecting books that I know of for this. Not that that would help, because it just ended up making most of my friends who read it paranoid and neurotic. I really want a Father for this baby. I don't want to be a single parent. That is so much to o alone! I need a partner. This is where it gets trippy for me, if it wasn't before. I suppose the way this works is that the one who impregnated me with this idea in the first place is responsible for this idea. So my God who loves people so much and wants me to express this love to them is in this with me. He has the resources of all of heaven and earth and beyond and his disposal. I suppose I should trust that He is the one who is going to provide for me and my baby.
I am still scared of the birthing process and pains though...and I don't even want to begin think about the translation of stretch marks to this idea!
4 comments:
perhaps if you're full up now with the idea/plans/dreams/reality of it all to bring it to this level you should share more with others instead of being creative--is this something just between only you 'n God, or will you need other people to come alongside you? Hmmmmm...
I am sharing for sure. There are people interested in coming alongside, but we still need funding and a place to do ministry.
Proud of you!
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