I don't care if you plan or are prepared for a significant change in your life or if you have the change pushed on you, it takes time and processing. I decided to stop working with the HS youth group as a leader. I'm going to stay on through February but then no more Sundays, no more Wednesdays, no more retreats (well unless I get asked to help with one). I've spent 6 years of my life working with this group. Its been such an important part of my life. At many times its been a frustrating job. I mean the kids don't see the mess they leave behind and it drives me crazy. They don't listen when we give talks and sometimes I don't think anything is sinking in. Then out of nowhere one of them will make a comment that is really insightful and it gives me hope. Not to mention its always fun to walk into a room and have your name yelled out excitedly. I cry often lately when I think that I'm not going to be a part of that anymore.
I've been working through this all in the past few weeks and I'll probably keep working through it for weeks to come. I feel its what I'm supposed to do, so there is confidence in that. I've actually tried to stop working with the kids twice now but could never really follow through with it. Now I'm on a journey to find the next focus of my ministry. This has been a struggle, because I really want to avoid another "position" of ministry. I don't want to do anything that feels like a job, and that I respond to just out of responsibility or because I'm expected too. So I've been more and more thinking about just building a philosophy of ministry. Something that I can just have as a standard for my life, and if an activity/event/interaction fits with that philosophy then I go for it. If it doesn't then I don't need to worry about it. I think this could be revolutionary for me. I am such a task oriented and responsible and loyal person that at times I've struggled with really ministering because of duty or because I want to really glorify God. This shouldn't be a struggle and it breaks my heart that it is.
1 comment:
good to hear that you're wrestling through listening to the still, small Voice...prayers for peace and comfort through the pain. i can't imagine 6 years at something--that's awesome that you've stuck it out! i know God's got an awesome next step in store.
blessings!
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