Words have power

I was at our women's retreat this weekend. Its always a good weekend for me, but the words this weekend felt meant for me at this specific time in my life. I needed this weekend. There was a rock for each of us with a word on it that had been revealed to the organizers for us specifically. It was amazing how each word impacted and was real to each woman who attended. Serious prayer went into those rocks. It might seem silly to you to have a word on a rock, but when its a word from the Lord its no longer just a rock and its definitely not silly.

Some of the words were hard to figure out and others were struck with the meaning of their word immediately. My word was "wise". I struggled myself with this one. Its a good word but what did it mean in relation to me? I had no real clue until today.

I have been wise in small ways and I have been very unwise in other ways. I feel I am being called to be wise. Being wise isn't being smart. James 3:13-17 says:

"13Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. 14But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 15Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. 16For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. 17But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere." (NIV)

Did you ever think of being wise as being pure, peace-loving and sincere? Its not my first thought. But I had an opportunity this weekend to make peace instead of harbor bitterness. It felt so right to give up myself to make peace, and surprisingly it was easy.

So how have I been unwise? I haven't been listening to the truth. That's the stupidest thing we can do.

I woke up and realized I've been so stuck in my own head and thoughts, and possibly the enemies thoughts that I can't hear the voice of God. I think that's where I've been lately. Believe me its been very detrimental. I've never had such tormented thoughts and feelings of panic. There is no peace away from the Lord (again that lack of wisdom).

When we don't hear God's voice or listen to him we are left to hear only our self and the lies of the enemy. Its a very unsafe place. We have to feast on the word of God for our sustenance and life. I haven't been feasting. I'm anemic.

So perhaps this is my new resolution, or just my next task in my maturity. You can all pray for me, because studying God's Word has never been easy for me. I can hear you all gasping and saying, but Katie don't you have a Bible degree and teach HS at church? Yes and yes... I can do it in spurts, I can do it when there are things I need to teach on. In fact when I teach is usually the best time in my life. Sometimes I even have amazing days where I am immersed in the Word. But days don't last you through a year. To just make it part of my normal intake of my life has elluded me. It's apparent I need to build this discipline in my life or I won't survive.