Surrender

God spoke to me this weekend. It was a very rough last few days. Emotional wreck is the best way to describe me. Here's what he said...

Q. Are you willing to surrender everything to me? I mean everything.
A. But what do you mean? Of course I've surrendered to you. I believe in you don't I? I try to live for you.
Q. But you still hold on to things in your heart. You reserve them as your right. You think you deserve them. In fact you are mad at me for not giving you what you think you need. Right?
A. But I know those things are only at your grace and mercy...
Q. But you still think they are yours, your right. You have to sacrifice them to me.
A. Um... what?
Q. Sacrifice, like Abraham sacrificed Isaac.

Abraham was asked to sacrifice his miracle and promised child. His only son, whom he loved. It made no sense. Why would God ask him to give up what had been promised to him as a miracle and symbol of God's plans for his chosen nation? It was the ultimate act of submission, of trust, of surrender. Abraham so believed God would be true to his word, that he was good, that he would raise his son again that he got up and obeyed. Immediate obedience, without question, without hesitation. He built an altar with his own hands as an act of submission to his God. He laid aside reason, and his love for his child and put him on the altar. He held nothing back from God.

Q. Can you sacrifice your love and will and mind like that? Can you surrender fully to my plans for you? Can you trust me?
A. But God those aren't bad things I want to hold on to...
Q. But they keep you from giving me your whole heart. I want all or nothing. Your whole heart is what is a pleasing sacrifice to me. Not partial surrender, but total surrender. Its only in my will that you will be free.
A. I'm not free am I?
Q. No, you are slave to what you think you need.
A. I see now... I'm chained to those things, I hold so tightly to them. I see the whole world and even you in light of those things. They've begun to suffocate me, they are so heavy. I didn't realize it until today. I'm chained to my security blankets, my dreams, my so called needs. You are right, I have to surrender them to you. I've carried them my whole life.
Q. It will be one of the hardest things you will ever do. Do you trust me? Do you trust that what is on the other side is my good and perfect will for you?
A. Yes
Q. Then build your altar, sacrifice and surrender totally to me. Then you will feel freedom.

I built the altar. Crying the whole time at what I was giving up. I don't know what life is going to be like without them. What if God doesn't restore them again to me like he did for Abraham? There is no guarantee. I had to take the risk. I can't live this way anymore. I want His freedom. I want His blessings. I crawled up there along with all the things I'd placed on it and I let it burn up. A holy and pleasing sacrifice to God. Maybe the only true sacrifice I've ever made.

And I do feel freedom. I am at peace. Its only in His will that we are free.

Are you free? Have you surrendered fully? What do you hold back as your own? Christ is our picture of true submission to our Father. His sacrifice saved us and restored us. Abraham was just a taste of what full surrender looks like. Follow Christ. Submit to God, to His will, and find freedom and peace and blessing.

Inspiration please

I need help. This Sunday is our first "big" group prayer time at church with the younger classes. I've been unsuccessful getting people together to pray for direction for our generation's involvement and passion in the church. Mostly because of summer schedules and conflicts, so we decided to try a Sunday during normal Sunday School time for the classes we are hoping to get involved.

It just hit me last night that since our first awesome meeting, my excitement and passion has been dying. I think Satan is definitely trying to discourage me and keep me from moving here, and probably everyone else based on some of the scheduling conflicts, from seeking the Lord together. Randy sent me home from youth group tonight to try and meet with God again on this idea and prepare for Sunday. So first order of business was to ask for your help...

Will you guys pray for our meeting? It seems funny to pray for a prayer meeting, but I think its essential to pray God's protection over this time. I know God can work in the people in my church and I desperately want Him to move us into action and further growth in Him. I need Him to direct our time on Sunday, and I need Him to empower me and fill me with the Holy Spirit so this group will be inspired and catch the vision.

Odds and Ends

Its been a while so here's what I've been up too...

Moved- Hooray! My new place is really big (well for one person at least), I painted some walls (nice warm brown) and I'm dying to buy all new stuff to decorate with (right now I'm into cherry red and grass green). I'm holding myself back until Ikea opens in July.

Read/ing- Finished Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen for the first time. I loved it. Also I'm in the middle of The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini right now. It is a very powerful book so far, and I've struggled a lot with the protagonist and some of the story line, but I'm hoping he pulls through in the end. I require redemption in characters I read.

Movie/TV- I went to see Ocean's 13, which was WAY better than Ocean's 12. It was a fun way to spend an hour or two. I'm steadily Net Flixing my way through the Lost Season 2. So addictive. And speaking of addictive, I now have cable and can't stop watching HGTV, Food Network, and TLC. I might need a 12 step program.

Listening- The sweetest song I've heard recently that I'm loving is Hey There Delilah by Plain White T's. One of my big guilty pleasure is always music by Gwen Stefani and I'm loving her latest Sweet Escape. You can hear me yeehooing along with the song in my car most days.

Driving- My new commute is now about 45 minutes to an hour long. On Wednesday I got stuck, I didn't have food and by the time I made it to my meeting at the church I was shaking. Long drives and a hungry Katie do NOT mix well.